SHOUT OUT TO ALEX!

HEY ALEX!

I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT YOU DONT’ BELIEVE THAT I WRITE A BLOG! IT’S THE BEST KEPT SECRET IN TOWN BECAUSE MY MOM DOESN’T KNOW THAT I USE HER COMPUTER. RIGHT NOW SHE’S IN YOGA SO WHILE SHE’S DOING HANDSTANDS I’M TYPING AWAY!

ZOEY TYPING

WRITING MY POST TO ALEX.

DO YOU NOT THINK THAT DOGS HAVE SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT? DON’T YOU THINK WE HAVE FEELINGS? THERE ARE SO MANY ISSUES THAT I PERSONALLY HAVE AND I THINK THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT THEM. HOPEFULLY IT WILL HELP OTHER DOGS FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE A VOICE.

SO IN ORDER TO GET YOU INVOLVED WITH MY BLOG, I’D LIKE TO INTERVIEW YOU. IS THAT OK?

HERE ARE MY QUESTIONS:

1. DO YOU LIKE DOGS?

2. DO YOU HAVE A DOG?

3. IF YES, WHAT KIND OF DOG DO YOU HAVE?

4. IF NO, WHAT KIND OF DOG WOULD YOU WANT AND WHAT WOULD YOU NAME HIM/HER?

5. CAN YOU SEND ME A PHOTO OF YOU AND MY BROTHER, STEPHEN, HANGING OUT AT SCHOOL?

I HOPE YOU WILL RESPOND AND SHOW THIS DOG SOME RESPECT!

BYE!

Keep Breathing–My Yoga Epiphany

I went to a yoga class tonight with my friend, Karen. She has been encouraging me to go, because I have been a slug for months. My sluggishness has led to high cholesterol, elevated blood pressure, and weight gain. I haven’t written like I usually do. I feel stuck. Every fall I get like this and it feels harder and harder to get out of this melancholic rut. Here it is the beginning of the year and I’m still struggling.

In the beginning of class, the instructor, whose name is Kayla, asked us to think of an intention. Mine was health and healing. The class was physically hard for me. At one point I had to bend my right knee and on an inhale lift my left leg straight up toward the ceiling. On the exhale I crossed my left foot behind and past my right and pressed the ball of my left foot on the floor.

Kayla said to not give up, to breathe louder through the pain and our thoughts. She said to stomp out whatever is stopping us in any area of our lives. I thought about what is stopping me from living to my full potential.

GRIEF

That one word sprung up in my mind, grasped my heart and took my breath away.  But then I inhaled, refusing to give up. When I exhaled, I stomped grief into the floor. I did it over and over and over and over again. It was emotionally exhausting. The physical pain of doing this exercise was nothing compared to the mental anguish of my grief.

At the end of class I lay on the mat with a cool cloth over my eyes. I thought about how grief controlled my life and how I didn’t want that. The pain of missing Nick paralyzes me. When grief doesn’t overpower me, I am able to follow the path of my soul. I live with clarity, joy and empowerment. My words are freed.

I took a deep breath.

The thought that I wished Nick was here flitted into my mind bombarding me with pain.

My chest tightened.

Then I thought about how I love Stephen for who he is, not for who I wish him to be. With Nick I only wish he was here physically. I asked myself, “Why aren’t I loving him as he is right now?”

My chest tightened even more.

If I loved Nick for who he is, then he could live in that love and fulfill his journey instead of trying to be who I want him to be. Isn’t that what happens with our children sometimes? We push them to do and be what we think is best. Sometimes we do know, but with the greater picture only they can know. We should love them despite where their journey leads.

Of course I have expectations of my children. I expect Stephen to be a good person and make the world a better place. I expect Nick to travel wherever his spirit may lead him, but send me signs that he is still with me. But don’t they expect me to take care of myself so I can be with them and stay connected to them no matter where they are?

Chest getting tighter.

My job, my mission as their mother is to help them fulfill their soul’s journey and to love them unconditionally.

With these amazing thoughts came a mantra:

I will not be controlled by my grief.
I follow my soul’s path.
I love my children for who they are, not who I wish them to be.
I will help them with their soul’s journey.

My chest is still tight, so I repeat it again and my chest starts to loosen.

I repeat it again, stronger in my mind.

Better.

One more time I say the words, feeling them deep in my soul, and I can breathe. I feel lighter.

I am energized and will repeat this mantra with daily deep breathes in the hope that it will help me with my grief. The pain of missing my child is and always will be there, but only I can choose how I will live with it.

Thank you Karen. Keep bugging me.

Zoey Shadow–Therapy Dog!

Happy New Year!

My mom left to take Nanny (her mom) to the doctor’s. I turned Mom’s space heater on in her office to warm up the place. It’s so cold for Nanny to go out on her own and it’s nice to get right into a warm car. It’s like when I go pee outside in this freezing weather and then come back into our cozy home. I hate being cold and I’m sure Nanny doesn’t like it either!

Since I started writing about Nanny, let me tell you about my four days as her therapy dog. A few days before Christmas Nanny stayed with us because she hurt her arm. She couldn’t move it, so it would be easier for Mom to take care of Nanny at our house.

Well, of course I was excited! So was Dakota, but I gave Nanny my best smile and wagged my tail super fast. I’m sure she knew how happy I was to see her. It was very hard to calm down, but then Nanny would sit on the couch and pet me while I leaned against her leg. This is when the therapy began. While Nanny and Mom watched holiday movies I would lick Nanny’s hand and she would pet my head and watch the movie. I think it helped her heal and calmed her. I know she had a lot to get done before Christmas, but she needed time to relax.

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I take my therapy job very seriously. See how hard I’m working?

Dakota and I sleep in Stephen’s room, but I couldn’t wait to get downstairs and see Nanny. Every morning with her here was like Christmas! I would run to the couch and my smile would say, “Nanny, I’m here! Do you need to pet me for your therapy today?”

Barely awake, Nanny would rest her hand on my head and sometimes she would even fall asleep like that. That’s when I would lay down next to her just to make sure that Dakota didn’t stick his long nose in her face.

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Relaxing after giving therapy.

Nanny loves Dakota, too. I know because she fed him pieces of her toast from the table! Shhh! Don’t tell my dad! Dakota was extra gentle. I’m proud of him because he can be nippy and klutzy.

I made sure I took care of Nanny, but she also took care of me and Dakota, making us feel extra loved. I hope Nanny knows there’s always a place petting my head and I’m happy to be her therapy dog any day!

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True Love!

Love you Nanny!

Zoey